I’m not sure what it is, but it seems that after my mom died a lot of her close friends (and family) started having dreams of her. They would talk about how healthy, happy, and alive she looked in these dreams. And everyone talked about seeing her with that big, big trademark smile on her face (I miss that smile a lot). But the strange thing was that those who were closest to her (my sister, Tom, and I) have not had any dreams of her yet (at least that I know of for the other two). I’m not typical a big dreamer anyway. I know that I have them, but I rarely wake up in the morning with a clear memory of the movies that played in my head while I slept. But last night was different, I saw my mom.
It was a very powerful, emotional dream and I have to admit that I woke up in tears. I was riding in the car with my mom and Tom as I have done so many times. I’m not sure where we were going, but I was very much aware that I didn’t want to leave my mom again. She was sitting in the front seat with a full head of blonde hair, rosy red cheeks, and a nice bright smile. She seemed so real, so alive, so happy. I begged her not to go, not to leave, she could stay and be ok. She said, “I have to, we’ll be ok.” I started crying, and she started crying. I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me, I hugged her tightly and woke up, in tears.
This dream could be sliced and diced so many ways. Perhaps the deep emotions surrounding my mom’s death manifested themselves in a powerful dream after a few weeks of quiet. Perhaps so many sleepless nights wore me down to the point of a heavy, heavy sleep last night where I was able to have vivid dreams. Perhaps the fact that I think of my mom most of the day, my subconscious couldn’t help but let loose a vision of her while I slept. Or maybe my mom was speaking to me, from wherever we go after we die, telling me again I’d be ok and that she loved me. No one really knows, no one can really answer that for me…so I choose the last one. It felt so good to see her.
People often ask me what religion I’m using to get through this….I’ll be touching on that over the next week.