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Feeling it

This weekend was very intense for me emotionally. Touched off by a little argument between my girlfriend Julie and I, the floodgates were opened and my emotions came pouring out. I really had a lot of sadness, crying, and pain related to losing my mom. For the first time since she left, I really was overcome with these emotions and the finality of the event started to sink in. I’ve never felt anything like it. I guess I never really surrendered myself to emotions before, and I have to say I’d recommend it to anyone (but please be careful when you cry, I somehow managed to pull something in my back this weekend from an intense bout of crying). After all, the tears, the sadness, the joy, love, happiness, jealousy, anger, etc are what makes us human, and denying ourselves these wonderful things is denying ourselves the feeling of being alive. This is a wonderful message my mom constantly tried to teach me. I remember a wonderful moment with her where I was overcome with emotion surrounding the break up with a girlfriend. I cried to her, and went on and on about how unfair it was. She stopped me, “Step back a minute. Look at the intensity of those emotions you’re feeling right now. Aren’t they beautiful? Isn’t it wonderful that you can feel those throughout your body?” It stuck with me.

Emotions are never bad, never wrong, and never worth avoiding. Despite the great pain and grief I’ve felt over the last few months, I continue to appreciate the emotions running through me. I love my mom with all my heart, and because of that strong, true love, the emotions I feel surrounding her death are so real, so powerful, and so beautiful. It’s a wonderful gift.
How often do you go through a day without really feeling anything?

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