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Life Putting 
A few of the folks who commented on the original post worried that a pre-existing knowledge of the Do Over might discourage people from trying their best.
In reading your post, and thinking about it more, I think the problem with that line of thinking is that it assumes a pessimistic attitude about peoples’ motivations.
Machiavelli essentially taught that it is better to be feared than loved–and so people would be motivated by fear of failing.
Plato, in the The Republic, said it was better to be admired than loved–and so people would be motivated by fear of disappointing.
In the end, I think the best of all possible motivations is self-love…and the motivation to forgive yourself, drop the rumination, and move on stems from the notion that we all make mistakes. Then the challenging moment we’re in right now becomes a great opportunity to learn.
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Yes I saw those comments on your post (you get a ton of great comments by
the way) after I posted this. I think there is a some risk in that if
someone knows they have a do over, then perhaps they may not do it “right”
the first time. However, as you touched on much more eloquently than I will
here, the risk of not doing at all due to the fear of mistakes is far
greater than the risk of not doing it “right,” the first time. It may be
different for everyone, but I know for me the right approach is playful and
experimental, which requires the right to do overs.
As you mentioned in your comment, the best of all motivations is self-love.
For me the concept of do overs is an important part of that. I’ve spent
way too much time beating myself up about mistakes I’ve made, things I’ve
said, things I didn’t do. I would say that weight, which is cumulative,
does far more to prevent my best than the do over policy ever has. For me
the do over has lessened that weight of the past, and most importantly makes
it possible to detach outcomes and actions from self-love. It’s not what
you do, it’s who you are, right?
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“It’s not what you do, it’s who you are, right?”
That’s right…but even more, for reasons to personal to say here, thanks for that reminder.
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Maybe that’s really the key here, detachment. Maybe the playfulness for me
isn’t coming from the idea of do overs, it’s coming from the detachment of
my personal worth to my actions and outcomes. Holy crap is life heavy and
scary when your worth is directly related to what you do. Eating 12 oreos
is bad and wrong, so you, Jerry, are bad and wrong. I’ve lived under this
philosophy before, it sucks. But now in a do over it seems like it’s easier
to separate the eating of 12 oreos, a mistake, from who you are. So maybe a
do over makes detachment from outcomes easier?
just thinking out loud here.
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and for the record I don’t think eating 12 oreos is bad and wrong. I think
it’s totally understandable…but for the sake of my argument and in the
context of your diet, it’s considered bad and wrong.
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Yup. Totally get it.
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