I had a nice reminder yesterday of the power of perspective, following a horrible travel experience. My sister, niece, and I were returning to NYC from a nice and busy trip back to Cincy. The flight from Cincy to NYC is really only about an hour and twenty minutes or so. It’s a quick and painless trip if just count the flying time. But there’s more to it than that. Long story short, we landed at 5pm (20 minutes earlier) but had to wait on the ground, in the plane another hour or so until there was gate open for us (as if our arrival was a complete surprise at JFK). Then, with an antsy two year old, the luggage took another 45 minutes or so to come out. I know this is really not that bad of an experience. I know this is really not that bad, but I just was not in the mood to deal with it yesterday. I felt very annoyed, and there was a bit more…
I usually take the train back from JFK. It’s pretty easy and it is a predictable 1 hour whereas a cab can take much longer than that in the right (wrong) conditions. My sister and niece were taking a cab, so I walked all their stuff out with them, and then turned to come back to take the train. On a lark I decided to hop on one of the many shuttles that run between JFK and Grand Central (only $15). I figured I could just take a cab from there and still come out way ahead of taking a cab all the way. But then I got on the bus. Literally only one seat. And no room for my bag. I had to sit all the way at the back, crammed in between three visiting Italian couples. I was further annoyed. It was f’ing hot, and I had no room. And then we started driving, and got stopped in traffic almost immediately outside of JFK. Really bad traffic, as in you could walk faster. I felt as if I had enough. I had all of these thoughts about how life would be so much easier living somewhere else, somewhere quieter and smaller, somewhere cheaper, somewhere not so crammed and expensive. That’s the first time I think I’ve ever really felt like I’d had enough NYC.
As we inched our way towards the city, and my frustration was building, I took a breath and a moment to notice those around me. I stopped getting sucked into my own frustrations and tried for a moment to notice what the 3 Italian couples I was crammed between were doing. They were VERY excited. With each mile the city’s skyline came into view the more excited and loud they got. I watched and enjoyed their excitement build as the city approached. I really loved hearing them laugh with joy when we pulled out of the tunnel in Manhattan for the first time and they saw the big buildings above us. And I realized something. This very same place I was just cursing in my mind was causing so much excitement and joy for this group. They were admiring all sorts of things that I take for granted everyday. They were so excited and grateful to be in a place for a short time that I get to be in daily. And suddenly things looked differently to me. I was grateful for where I was. I was grateful I get to be in NYC. It’s amazing how nothing changed in the bus ride except for my perspective, and it made all the difference in the world. I guess it makes sense that life feels much better when you notice the good instead of cursing the bad.
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I enjoyed Fred Wilson’s post this morning on failure (inspired by Obama’s speech to students a few days ago). He wrote this, quoting from Obama:
you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time
He goes on to talk about how when he first started in the VC business, he was so afraid of failure that he worked overly hard to prevent any failures. But failures were unavoidable in the VC business in 2001 – 2003, and during that time Fred and his firm had a lot of them. He doesn’t hide from those failures and he doesn’t deny them, he embraces them.
I think embracing failure is one of the things that makes this country such a great place to do business in. In many parts of the world, if you fail once, you are done. People won’t touch you with a ten foot pole. But here in the US, it’s almost a badge of honor. And our President explains why.
We’ve of course heard this all before. I think most people if you asked them would tell you that they embrace failure and its lessons, but I think what people say and what they feel are very different here. We all have this fear.
With that said, I do feel so much differently about failure now than I did even a few years ago. When I look back at my “careerography,” which was written right before I moved to NYC at the end of 2006, my strong fear of failure and my equally strong fear of other’s perceptions of my failures are very evident. I guess for me the worst part of failing was not so much of what might go wrong, but more so of what others might think of me when things go wrong. I do feel different now. That’s not to say I’m not afraid to fail, I still feel that fear. But I am no longer afraid to openly discuss my failures…in fact as Fred says, I wear them like badges of courage.
Everyone has failures. What distinguishes us is how we deal with them.
It gets really, really hot in NYC in the summer, particularly in July and August. It’s the kind of hot where you’re sweating the moment you open the door, and all you want to do is stay inside in the A/C. I really feel for those who have to head out everyday in this heat wearing a suit, and I really feel for those who have to wear a suit everyday AND ride the subway. The subway stations are literally like an oven this time of year. Ugh. I’ve been fortunate to work generally in a “virtual” environment, and don’t really have to ever dress up except for a few meetings here and there. But despite this freedom, I have continually worn jeans and a nice shirt when I head out during the week. It’s one of my rules (I’ve written many times about my rules.), and I finally broke it this summer (without even noticing it until today).
We all have rules, some of them make a lot of sense, and some are just bizarre. Forcing myself to wear jeans when it’s 90 and 80% humidity is a stupid rule (note: if you’re one of those people who just likes to dress up to feel good, then go for it). Why did I do it? Because I wanted to convince myself and others (who don’t really care) that I was indeed a working professional, not just some bum with a computer. Why? I don’t really know, but it was one of those things I didn’t even notice I was living by until someone pointed it out to me one day. It’s hard to notice the rules we hold ourselves too, but we all have them. The key is figuring out which ones need to be broken.
Today as I was walking in the scorching NYC streets, I was thankful to be in my shorts. I feel for those poor people that make themselves wear pants in the summer.
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